Petals in the Wind
by TAyukii
Summary: Lucien is wandering in revolution era Boston, but can anyone truly believe in what he is and when he is given a tricky assignment his life is turned upside down and he is questioned by those that despise something he could never change...he finds solace in a stranger and begins to allow himself to be female again; once more retrieving what she lost... (Haytham x OC)- (NOT YAOI)
1. Chapter 1

**Underlined and Bold = Headings**

_Italics = Thoughts_

~~~~~~ = Long Passage of Time

**Chapter 1 – Wanderer**

I awoke drenched in my own sweat and the acidic smelling rain that fell from the darkened skies above. Curling tighter into myself I sobbed. My eyes not daring to shift from the floor, fixated on the rat infested pools of water that stank of piss and sweat but also somewhere far beyond that. Here I was barely 8 years old and drowning in the filth of the Boston streets. But as I lost my mind in the thoughts running rings through my young mind, I couldn't think and my basic functions were non-existent any-more...I was simply here...simply existing. When I summoned the courage to open my eyes once again a considerable amount of time must have passed for the light stung at my eyes. I blinked far too many times before my eyes adjusted to the sun above me, I removed my head from my knees and gazed around the courtyard area I had stumbled into; presumably the night before. I tried to remember what had happened, pulling myself to my feet and stumbling through the mud.

_"__Mud?...Yes it rained last night...it rained after..."_

But my mind remained blank, I struggled onwards through the thick mud and came to stop at the brick building before me. I raised my hand and rested it against the cold, coarse stone and, gazing deep into the brickwork, I wondered, for a mere moment...

_"__Who am I?"_

I lingered a while longer, before moving between the two brick structures, my hand dragging across the brickwork. I moved closer towards the open end of the structures before noticing the blackened streets ahead and how the air grew thicker as I came closer the the exit from the small alley. Finding it harder to breathe I began to cough and splutter, removing my hand from the wall to cover my mouth and nose, I felt warm liquid on my hand and moved it away from my mouth and stared aghast at the various cuts adjourning my pale skin. As I gazed at my hand I noticed the tears in my clothing, the lack of my shoes, the pain in my legs as if someone had been pulling them forcibly. As I pressed forward to the exit I began to stumble, my feet feeling heavier as I pressed my weight onto their soles. The skies were filled with blackness and the daylight was hidden beneath a murky fog. Confused I managed to raise my head to look up and saw something that piqued my interest.

_"__There's light! There's a light...it's bright too...maybe just maybe there's someone else here... and maybe they can tell me who I am!"_

The hope sent me charging through the murky air, closer towards the end of the alley; ignoring my muscles which protested hard against me. Running out of the alley I felt the ground disappear beneath me, my foot catching on something hard yet soft in front of me. As I hit the ground my face was the first to make the connection, I cried out in pain but turned in curiosity at what had tripped me. Through the black air and one squinting eye I blinked away the dirt until I saw something pale yet blackened at the same time, I saw different shapes which began to piece themselves together...until I saw the features of a human face...for some reason I recognised this face and an arrow of sorrow stabbed through my heart, causing silent tears to course over my chubby cheeks. I strayed my gaze from the figure to look around me, and I identified the source of light. The light charged closer towards me and I screamed, my bare and scraped feet scrambling against the broken and blackened cobbled road, my lungs choking on the acrid black air and then all was gone.

Shifting my eyes beneath my eyelids I stirred, opening them to see the dim lantern light beside me. Sitting up I looked cautiously around me until I saw the small bucket of water beside the rotting wooden planks that I used for a bed. Sighing I walked over the bucket and lifted it, tipping it over my head and relishing in the cool sensation that swept over me, peeling off the oversized shirt I draped it over a bare beam in the roof and grabbed a pair of patched black trousers and a white torn shirt from the ledge of the boarded up window. Racing to jump down to the dirt floor below I grabbed the oversized brown boots from beside the door and hastily pulled them on, moving quickly to a panel on the wall I moved it aside and stepped forth into the sunlight; shielding my eyes from the blinding change. Pulling the panel back into place I reached into the pocket of my trousers and pulled out a shabby newsboy hat; tucking my long black hair up into the space within it, leaving only a short bit hanging behind my left ear and another section that was now covering the right side of my face I began to move. Racing off between the houses I ran at inhuman speeds between the alleys and continued onwards for approximately half an hour, that was my presumption by judging the movement of the shadows around me. I arrived at the small house on the edge of town, moving to greet a well-built tall man that stood in front of a barred door around the rear of the building.

"Morning Lucien!" The man spoke half-heartedly to me before letting out a large yawn, I chuckled as the man opened the door so that I could enter into the small room that made up this building; a shack I suppose you could call it...though it was far too secure to be that. A man sat behind a low desk, paper strewn across its surface; his hands clasping at his hair in frustration. Wondering slowly over to the man I gazed over his shoulder at the pieces of paper beneath, reading only a few of the scrawled words before he quickly shoved them into a draw and turned to face me.

"Ah Lucien! Good to see you on time for once, I don't suppose there's a reason for this...most welcome presence?" His words trailed off and I heard the fear and doubt in his voice.

_"__He's hiding something...but when is he not hiding something from me,"_

I heard a exaggerated cough and retrieved myself from my thoughts, moving on to focus my attention to the man in the room.

" I apologise my Master, I am sorry that I displease you by being on time for a change, I could not sleep well and so decided you might grace me with your presence earlier than my normal appointed routine," the words that came from my lips were hollow, but my voice did not betray me and the words came out full of admiration and respect for the man before me. I continued to linger before the man chuckled and nodded his head in my direction, as sign that I should relax.

"Lucien! You, my dear boy, have a way with words! Not that you fool me with such prominent English!" His laughter boomed around the room and I smiled gently, the corner of my mouth raising into a small subtle smirk.

_"__Of course he'd know the lies I tell, I must've used them a thousand times before on this bumbling man,"_

Chuckling I joined him as he offered me a seat beside him at the desk, our backs now facing the door once more. I turned to look at the piece of paper he was holding and scrutinized it as he passed it to me. Gazing at it I saw various cave images, the sort the Natives drew on sacred sites and the like. I looked over them, attempting to read the story that they told, but the image was too badly damaged...I could not make them out well enough to decipher the meaning they were intended to represent.

"I see, then even you can not make out their meaning?" I shook my head gently in response to his words, handing him back the paper as he sighed heavily, "I guess I must search some more then." I stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt the thinking man. I scrutinized him, carefully noting the age in his features. And stifling a laugh when I realised how terribly this man had aged, he had found me wondering the streets of Boston. Filthy, tired and a wreck of a young girl. When he found me I couldn't have been closer to death if I had tried, I had spent at least 2 years wondering the streets of the town I thought I knew, not knowing the first thing of how to survive on the streets of such a bustling town.

A small smile flickered across my face as I remembered stumbling into the man, he had cursed me to begin with and pushed me into a wall. Not having the strength to fight back I simply slumped against the brickwork and waited, hoping he would pass by and allow me to carry on my way. But he didn't. He had turned and pulled me into his arms, telling me softly that everything would be fine and he would mentor me in how to survive in these rough times. His name, he soon told me, was and is Tenne Helthar. I owed this man beside me more than I could fathom and, as such, was stubborn not to be outdone by anyone else in this small collection of merry men; only trouble was these men took no kindness to girls. Not that that concerned me for I, Lucien, looked a very fine young gentleman when I was not in my own 'home' that is.

"Lucien? Lucien?" I got pulled from my thoughts by an abrupt slap to the arm, my head snapping to face Tenne. He simply shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes. "When are you going to stop daydreaming and focus on the matters at hand?" He sounded exasperated, as usual I was the cause of this, but i'm pretty sure he didn't mind me drifting off every once in a while.

"Master Helthar?" I spoke softly, my voice now more feminine than before. His attention turned and I saw him hold my gaze, awaiting the rest of my query. "Is there a reason why you require me today? It is a Monday and, normally, I would be continuing my rest for the work ahead." My words were blunt but I was tiresome and despite enjoying the man's company I would rather be allowed to retreat to my own thoughts than bother with some annoying assignment the man had for me. His response to my impatience was a huff and the shoving of a piece of thick parchment into my hands. Unfolding the parchment I scanned my eyes over the writing, taking in every bit of detail I could before rising to my feet and discarding the parchment into my pocket.

"You understand the assignment, correct?" I gave a brief nod of my head and proceeded on my way back to the entrance, not once turning to look back at Tenne. Pushing open the door I was met with the cold eyes of another member of this small guild...

"Lannard," I spoke quickly to the tall, thin man bowing my head in respect before walking past him and into the backstreet's of Boston. I was on full alert, my feet carrying me cautiously to where I was needed, allowing time for me to form a plan.

_"__So he arrives some time today, I have no description except to look out for a man who is clearly of wealthy English origin. No doubt he'll be meeting some sort of contact when he arrives and I need to be aware of what I am getting myself into before I jump head-first into a situation I can not get out of,"_

I saw the large open landscapes of ocean before me and the large boats docked at the side of the wooden piers, I looked along the docks and admired a man of war that was currently still being built at the other end of the docks. I stared at it's intricacy and realised that I had not visited in a while, noting the progress the workers had made on it and giving a small nod of approval to no-one but myself in particular. Continuing towards the water I hung my legs over the one brick wall that parted the land and sea, dangling my feet close to the water and pulling my cap down to cover my noticeable features. I turned my head as the loud drum-noise of a gangplank crashing to the docks sounded nearby, gazing into the distance I noticed a merchant-transport ship of some-kind docking at the far end of the pier. My interest was piqued when I saw the first man to walk across that gangplank and onto the firm ground furthest from me.

_"__It's him, he dresses himself in his wealth and the way he holds himself...such arrogance and pride. I hate people like that, who feel the need to be above others and as such look down their noses at people like me."_

My thoughts lingered on the man as I continued to observe him form afar, I no longer had doubts about taking possessions from this man...this man was all ready stained in the blood of those he chose to ignore...I could tell just by looking at the clothes he possessed and the expression he wore. I turned my head away slightly so as to avoid arousing his suspicion, he approached my position with another man now. A short, stout man with facial hair that gave him a wild yet regal appearance. I trained my ears on the pair as they stopped behind me to talk, my eyes fixated on the reflection of the two men in the water before me. I briefly saw panic flutter across my eyes in my reflection as I realised how close the two men were, but it was soon gone and I steeled my face, ready to commit to my assignment full-heartedly.

"I've been asked to introduce you to the city. Help you settle in." The voice came from the short man who, from the reflection, I could see had dark hair and sideburns, his facial hair was more minimal than I had first thought. Taking in the appearance of this man I noted that my target was obviously new to Boston, it would be to my advantage that he had limited knowledge of the Boston's layout but his...friend might cause problems. He seemed like he knew the place, he spoke confidently and his accent was definitely of this part of America. I had been distracted by my observations for too long and only caught one last sentence before the pair moved on; this time it was from the Englishman.

"Your commission is with Edward Braddock, is it not?" I caught no more of the conversation but quickly realised that this assignment may be more complex than I had first thought. If the other man truly was under Braddock then that meant he was of military standing, and if he had the trust of Braddock to be greeting an Englishman then that was even more cause for concern. I could not afford to underestimate either man and I needed to find out where they were heading, because I knew I would need a few days to formulate a plan and to gather more information on the pair and whoever else they might choose to make acquaintance with whilst here. When they rounded the corner I chose to stand and followed at a safe distance, not close enough to hear anything but this also meant I was far enough away to not be spotted. My feet scuffed the floor as I continued amongst a throng of people, dodging a few children who scurried around my feet. I stayed on the trail of the two men, watching with interest as they disappeared into the Green Dragon Tavern. Deciding to wait I sat on a bench opposite the building and pulled out a piece of bread from my pocket, tucking into the only food I possessed I kept my attention focused on the door of the Tavern.

I waited till night fell and came to the conclusion that they were to be residing in the Tavern, raising to my feet I gave a weary sigh and moved back towards my home some way north of the final destination of my assignment. My movements we sluggish now and the past week of poor sleep was catching up with me, slowly I turned my right hand over to stair at the small scars on my knuckles...to anyone it would look simply like wounds from a fight or an accident but in reality they formed a pattern. There was a dot at each end of wear my knuckles ended and then ragged scars across each one, as if someone had dug stitch marks into my knuckles with a knife. These marks represented my little community I had become a part of 12 years ago, they showed my high ranking in the community and that I possessed more authority than some of its other members...I had been for a long time now a wanderer. I had no memory of anything but wandering the streets of Boston, no memory of a family or of anything before the nightmares...it seemed fitting that a lost child like me should find place in a community named after what I had spent so much time doing. I gazed upward one last time at the bright moon in the sky above before racing off towards my abode, hoping I would find some solace in my own company for once.


	2. Chapter 2

**Underlined and Bold = Headings**

_Italics = Thoughts_

~~~~~~ = Long Passage of Time

**Chapter 2 – Where Are My Manners?**

The night passed slowly and sleep evaded me, plagued by the nightmares I gave up entirely on attempting to rest my all ready weary body. Rising from my makeshift bed I proceeded into my mourning routine, though more sluggish than normal. I felt lifeless, like in the nightmares where I was simply existing...I felt separated from my body and as such did not fully awaken till I had bumped into a being on my early morning walk; sprawling on the floor that was once beneath me.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to be so ignorant. Please pardon me..." I cut off not sure whether the person I bumped into was a sir or a madam. Looking forward a hand reached to help me up and I accepted the offer, once pulled to my feet I dusted off my meagre clothing and pulled my hat back tight on my head; hiding my femininity. Looking up I managed to control my emotions as I saw the man stood before me. He was dressed in white trousers and a black undershirt that I could only see the edge of, brown boots reached up to just below his knees and he wore an expensive looking blue captains coat with elegant upturned cuffs. To show off his wealth he wore a blue tricorne hat to match his coat and a small cloak of blue over his shoulders, not to mention that all his clothing had gold buttons and markings adjourning it. Neither did it go unnoticed that he had a weapons holster and straps over the top of his regal-style clothing.

_"__My assignment target...this is not good,"_

After a few moments of silence I moved around the figure to make my leave, stopping when our shoulders were in line only to here the man speak.

"I won't expect any thanks considering I just pulled you off the floor after you ran into me, but nonetheless I hope you do not make the same mistake once more as the next man may not be as forgiving as I have been young one. Take care in where you go, do not allow your mind to wander too far or else you may find that you never have the chance to catch it up. Now pardon me as I partake your presence, should we meet again under better circumstances I will pass my name on to you. I bid you farewell." His voice grew distant and I turned only to see his figure disappear over the small incline of the Boston streets. I cursed my inability to move before disappearing into a side alley over near the wanderer community building, sitting on a bench and burying my head in my hands.

_"__I've compromised it, the assignment. I've blown it...this is the first time i've failed to achieve. Tenne is going to be so disappointed in me...will he ever trust me even the little he did again?"_

I began to question myself and silent tears coursed my cheeks, I felt stupid and insignificant like the child I had been when Tenne had found me. I had failed him and in such a foolish way, had I slept properly and not gone for an early walk I would have avoided him and proceeded with the plans I had made. Stifling my tears I dragged myself to my feet and followed the Englishman's footsteps across town, taking seat outside the Green Dragon Tavern.

_"__I won't go back empty handed, even if it does not end well!"_

With renewed resolve I sat patiently beside the Taverns door, contemplating whether I should proceed inside at this ungodly hour and risk causing a commotion. Where my rational mind went I could not say but I stood and reached for the door, opening it slowly and flinching as it creaked. I took several comfortable strides over to the back of the lower room, seating myself directly beneath the second floor veranda area, leaning back into the chair I sighed gently and stared at the wooden panel above me.

_"__I'm so tired, no wonder I messed up this time. Maybe I should rest and continue with my assignment later...when my mind is more with the real world,"_

Exhaustion overcame me and I don't know for how long I leaned with my head on the table, arms curled around it like a sort of shield. I stirred to someone shaking my shoulder, my eyes taking time to focus on the person in front of me. After a few moments I managed to raise myself and the person placed a mug of ale in front of me and some warm soup, I looked at the table now set with a meal. In my half asleep confusion I didn't think or care much for the stranger before me, instead I gratefully ate the soup and tenderly reached for the ale, taking a thankful swig before finally looking up to see whom had helped me only to roll my eyes in exasperation.

"Why is it that you happen across me again?" I spoke realising too late that, in my state of tiredness, my voice was feminine. But it was too late, I could only hope the man before me would not notice.

"I think it is you who keeps happening across me, young one. No doubt you followed me here again like the other day when you had been waiting for me at the pier-side?" The words formed a statement that had a querying tone to it, though I knew the man before me probably did not want an answer I continued nonetheless.

"What makes you think I should be looking for you old man?" I exaggerated the last two words as he had done with his, mocking him slightly and hoping he would think he had made a mistake. Maybe I hoped for too much.

"I do not think you are, in fact I know that you are. You may think me naïve young one, but I am far from it. Now I will not tell you again, watch who you happen across next as they may not be so forgiving, until next time...young one." His words infuriated me as he walked across the small room, head held high. He ventured up the wooden flight of stairs nearby, not once turning to look at me. I however continued to look at the man till he disappeared out of sight and even then I hesitated to move. This man filled me with feelings I had never experienced before...or not that I could remember having felt before. He terrified me but intrigued me at the same time. He was fearsome, yet he intrigued me so much that I couldn't help but think that maybe I was only continuing my assignment so as to find out more about him. As my thoughts wondered I shook my head and rose from my seat, moving to the door I opened it and as much as I wished to look back I did not. That would be allowing him the pleasure of breaking my resolve. I would complete my assignment and then I could forget about this infuriating man and his pompous attitude.

The daylight grew outside as I made my way to the incomplete Man of War at the dockside. Walking around the impressive structure I noticed the silence today, it was Tuesday was it not? A normal working day it should have been. I heard work begin and immediately saw an old friend of mine round the corner towards me.

"Hey! Luc-i-en!" The man called out heartily, accentuating my name and beaming a wide grin at me the whole while. His big arms embraced me into what I could only describe as a bear hug and, for a moment, I melted under his embrace. I forgot about all the worries, the nightmares and my assignment. I closed my eyes and I was a little girl again, held in the arms of a faceless man who's laughter boomed through his chest and made it sound like his very heart was laughing. Leaning into the body and laughter before me I sighed gently, I loved these moments. Moments where I could lose myself in time, with nothing but the sounds of laughter and remnants of a life I can no longer remember. All too soon the embrace was over and I was startled back into reality as the man began his work. "So...haven't seen you 'round 'ere for a long while my friend. What brings you back to our neck o' the woods?" He chuckled gently and ruffled my hair beneath the hat I wore, smiling gently I looked up at the fatherly man before me.

"I needed some time out, I haven't been here in a while and an assignment brought me near just the other day. I saw the progress you had all made and decided I'd come see for myself, as they say nowadays." I moved to the boat and ran my hand over the delicate workmanship, admiration showing on my face for the enduring nature of all the workers who created such beauty. A bellow of laughter from the side of me startled me slightly, I rubbed the back of my head in embarrassment and the man signalled for me to climb when I was ready. I always loved being here, I was allowed to go and be on top of the boat. I caused no trouble, I simply sat and watched the dock-life...losing myself in the rhythm and sounds of daily life and enjoying simply being oblivious to all the people below. That's where I decided I would spend the rest of my day. I moved to the very back of the ship, the stern I believe it is called, according to David. David waved to me before I disappeared further into the centre of the ship. I found the small ledge between this deck and the lower one. Clambering over the ledge I sat on the smaller ledge beneath it, leaning back and admiring the view.

_"__It's so peaceful up here, I can forget who I am once more and pretend that i'm simply an eagle disappearing above the clouds...so free..."_

I sighed in longing knowing that dreaming would only get me so far, I would never truly be free but that didn't mean I couldn't dream and have hope. Who knew maybe one day I would amount to something, hell i'd be happy just to have every girls little dream of love and a family...more than anything I wanted my family. Though I knew not who they were I was sure, in time, I would find them safe and well somewhere out there and that they too would be searching for me as well.

Time had passed slowly as I gazed across the blackening ocean, wondering if my family was out there somewhere. Somewhere across that big expanse of water, somewhere I could not see from where I resided now. The air was peaceful now, everyone stopping work and making their way to their abodes...scurrying away from fear of the night. But I was the exception, I quite liked the silence of the night. The only reason I had to fear the night was the nightmares, they caused terror that I had never felt before...chilling me to the bone night after night. A shiver coursed through me as the cold wind ripped through my thin clothes. Wrapping my arms around myself I chattered my teeth, longing for those warm arms to curl into and, in the process, forgetting to hold my cap. I jumped to my feet and watched it sail off across the partly constructed deck of the Man of War, chasing after it...my hair now loose and flowing in the wind. Frantically scurrying across the beams and wood, I came closer to my hat. Reaching with my arms I managed to grasp the newsboy cap, but failed to notice how far I had moved across the deck. Gasping I overbalanced on the thick wooden bow, looking down briefly I grasped my hat and pulled it to my chest as my body fell into the air and soared downwards. Terror held my throat and I felt as if something was grabbing my lungs, preventing me from breathing.

_'Stumbling through the murky air, I choked on the acrid atmosphere...'_

My mind shifted to the nightmares and images of black streets, blackened bodies and the light racing towards me caused me to close my eyes tightly. I turned my back to the incoming floor, keeping my eyes tightly shut and my hand clutching my hat to my heart. I landed on something soft yet hard, yelping involuntary as I forced my closed eyes to open slowly. I was in some sort of pile, I managed to move against the material and sat up; pulling myself unsteadily to my feet. I shook uncontrollably as I looked at the hay pile before me then back up at where I had fallen from.

_"__Impossible...there's no way. I can't have...i'm dreaming..."_

Somehow I knew I was not and as I tumbled backwards I landed on the floor beside the wooden struts holding up the incomplete ship behind me. My eyes focused only on the hay pile and my racing thoughts. Completely forgetting my cap I discarded it to the floor and ran...ran as far from the hay pile and the ship as I possibly could. I continued running until I reached my small shack house, moving aside the panel and quickly entering I raced to my bed. Curling into a tight ball on the wood I pulled my arms around me, not bothering to change I continued to shake in fear until sleep overtook me...but I was thankful for the rest that it gave my mind.

"Father! You can't want me to jump down there?!" My voice echoed inside my mind, bringing forth the image of what happened the day before. A man boomed a hearty laugh and I felt a hand on my shoulder, though my body would not allow my head to move to see who it was.

"Yes my girl! But I want you to jump to there, not the ground. Focus on the haystack...not the ground." The words where strong, kind and comforting. Bringing my feet to the edge of the unfinished ship I looked hesitantly down, seeing the small shorts and t-shirt that adjourned my body...my hand free of scars.

My eyes flickered open and I sat up abruptly, my heart jumping as I awoke from a new nightmare. But that was not what had awoken me, moving to my feet I heard further bangs on the unused front door of my humble abode. My attention was now on edge, and my senses heightened, focused on the door and the sound it currently emitted. The loud bangs stopped moments later, but I did not relax. Hesitantly I moved to jump downwards and gazed around the small below space, comforted that I found nothing different. My feet shuffled over uneven grounds, scuffing up dust and dirt as I moved towards the small side panel. I placed my ear to the panel, listening for any sign of motion near to it. I heard footsteps and saw a shadow elongate beneath the door, gasping lightly I stumbled backwards out of the way of the panel as it was moved aside. I told myself I needed to turn, run away...pretend I was not here and that this held no residence to me...but I froze. My eyes fixated themselves on the opening, trying to focus on the silhouette of a figure who crouched underneath, then on the other figure who accompanied it. My heart began to race and I struggled, kicking my feet against the earth I turned my back on the two and raced backwards into the other beneath space; hiding behind the only standing internal wall. Not daring to lean my head round I tried to stifle my breathing which now fell in ragged, panicked breaths. I heard the panel clank closed and footfalls on the soft dirt, I heard soft barely audible breathing and this just made my panic grow.

_"__Calm...I must calm myself. Who are they? What do they want? Have I been found out?!"_

I couldn't focus, thoughts raced through my head and I simply curled against the wall, shifting into its furthest corner and bringing my knees to touch my forehead I gripped my head with my hands and waited. I waited there for what seemed an eternity, my senses picking up every footfall, every breath. Then there was silence, I didn't understand how they could just disappear, but I dared not move my head from its hiding...fearful of what I may encounter before me.

"My my, what do we have before us Charles? It seems as though we may have startled the young one." The voice startled me and I immediately recognised the voice, pulling my legs closer to me as I heard another step being taken towards me.

"Charles." The tone had changed and it was one of warning, not to me but to whomever the man had with him. However his tone was acknowledged only for a mere moment before the footfalls quickened and a hand gripped my right wrist tightly, dragging me roughly to my feet, forcing my head to rise. Hair fell over my eyes and I stared at the floor...unwilling to look at the men before me.

"You show far too much concern Master Kenway, she's only a street urchen. I don't see why you have taken such special interest in her?" The words intrigued me, my ears pricked and I gulped heavily.

_"__Interest?"_

That one word rang through my mind, and then I fixated on another word. Forming it on my dry lips.

"Ken...way?" The word left my mouth hesitantly before I could stop it from being spoken, I rose my gaze and saw a small smirk appear on the Englishman from the day before. He approached me, but I did not struggle away. This man intrigued me and I felt like a small child being told exactly what to do...stay still and listen.

"Yes, I suppose I should properly introduce myself now that Charles here has allowed you to hear that knowledge." He stole a glance at the man with the dark sideburns and hair, Charles he was known as. This man simply shrugged and continued to grip my wrist tightly, a warning for me to not try anything to harm his...master. "Please pardon the manners of my colleague, now where are my manners. I am Haytham Kenway. I don't suppose you have a name, young one?" I listened intently to the man as he stood before me. He as tall, I noticed this first as I stared at his shoulders. Looking up into the face of the man I contemplated my answer but my mouth went before I could think any further.

"Lucien," It was an automatic response, it was all I had been known by since I had been found 12 years ago. Haytham showed a face of detest and continued to gaze at me hard, searching for something else. Seeing nothing else he simply gave Charles a command to release me and left, dropping something to the floor before me. They left without another word and as I heard the clack of the panel I looked at the object before me...my hat.


	3. Chapter 3

**Underlined and Bold = Headings**

_Italics = Thoughts_

~~~~~~ = Long Passage of Time

**Chapter 3 – Abyss**

I stayed curled up inside my home for some time, whether it be feeling sorry for myself or through fear that I would not admit to. I wondered if Haytham or Charles had disclosed my secret or if anyone else had noticed. I felt ill at the thought of being discovered...the wanderers didn't take too kindly to my gender. That's why, when Helthar discovered me he was hesitant to grow close to me...he's still that way. He must have cared for me at one stage or else he would have never let me join the wanderers...but now I was no longer sure what he saw in me. I had been Lucien for so long and even though he knew my secret I'm sure he still despised the idea of keeping me too close for fear the others may find out.

Rolling over to face the ceiling that was crumbling to ruins I sighed gently, my stomach had long since given up grumbling in protest. It had been 4 weeks since I had learned of Haytham and Charles, and since then I refused to leave the house. Rationing myself to one slice of mouldy bread a day with the tiniest bit of out-of-date jam that I had within this abode. I was running low on food, not that I had a problem with eating little, but now I knew that I needed to venture out to gather some supplies. I decided that if I was going to go out I would think of going to see David, but this time in my one and only dress that I owned.

_"__It'll be nice to feel the wind in my hair for a change,"_

As soon as the thought crossed my mind I was convinced. I pulled on the patchy dress, the colours were dull and there were some tears at the bottom hem of the home-made dress, pulling a white rag tight around my torso to hold the dress in I ran my fingers through my matted black hair. Gazing at the broken piece of mirror I had foraged from the cobble streets some months back I smiled with genuine happiness at my new self s' reflection. Pulling on a pair of mucky black shorts and my brown knee high boots with the worn soles I jumped to the lower area of my abode. My hand halted as I reached for the panel, my heart pounding in my ears. I swallowed heavily and pulled it aside before I could second-guess myself any further. The light blinded me and I cursed, averting my eyes and covering them with my small hands. Crouching through the gap I looked at the panel of wood, moving my hand slowly across the many marks on its outer surface.

_"__I've always liked my keen sense of touch, I love being able to identify details that no other human would notice...I see the world so differently, and I love it. Despite all of the heartache and the amnesia, I am blessed...not cursed and I'm sure my memories will come back with time and somehow so will my old life,"_

Daydreaming at the piece of wood I pulled it once more into place and as I turned to leave I turned back to look at it, hesitating slightly as if I was leaving some small piece of me behind that wooden block. Somehow I felt like, by leaving that place, I had left myself open to something beyond my comprehension. I began my journey down the cobbled pathways, my knee-length dress flowing in the gentle breeze of the Boston sea air. My hair fluttered behind me and I smiled, it was good to feel free even if it was only just for a short while.

I continued my journey across Boston, my feet never tiring and my smile never waning. I beamed at people as I passed and waved at the children who weaved between the small crowds of people; some probably street orphans like me. My eyes lifted to see the edge of the incomplete man of war on the horizon. Beaming I began to run my way towards it, hoping that I could find the big bear man there, I couldn't wait to be in his arms again! My speed was constant and I ran fast towards the target of my heart...

_"__Heart? I wonder...does mine exist?"_

Before I could allow my mind to stray further I was at the structure I had sought to go towards. Workers were busy, the noise of chisels, wooden carts and many footfalls on wood, dirt and cobble. Closing my eyes I let the sounds wash over me, finding joy in the simplicity of the noises surrounding me. A hearty laugh and a hand roughly rubbing my hair caused me to stir and squint in the direction of a large figure blocking out the sun. The hand moved from my head to rest on the hips of the figure and as it moved away from the sun I smiled in recognition of the man before me.

"David! You startled me for a moment, I hope you have been well?" I was looking at the big figure of the man whom I saw as a father, his broad shoulders showed his unfathomable strength and the beard of deep brown moved as his features wrinkled into a smile. His hair was tied back with a thin piece of white rag and I laughed at how strange it looked on such a big man. But as I continued my gaze over the apron covered with wood splinters and the dirty boots I admired this man. My admiration was like that of a young child looking up at the only fatherly figure she had ever known, the thought made my smile grow even wider and I tilted my head to the side with a cheeky grin.

"Hahaha, I'm surprised I could' 'ave startl'd you little one! I havn't seen you in such a long time, wha' you been up ta' lately?" His American accent was heavy and his eyes showed concern as he spoke. I looked awkward and rubbed the back of my happy, laughing gently.

"I've not felt too good to tell you the truth. I decided to stay inside for a while, but I thought I'd come spend some time at the ship, it's so peaceful here and who would not want to come and see you...you big bear!" I chuckled as his laugh boomed through the air, warming my heart and staggering me slightly. He began to walk around the base of the ship and I followed him, looking above as we passed beneath the magnificent wooden architecture. I had always loved art and yet how could some think that such workmanship was not art...it befuddled me.

"What are ya' thinkin' now? I can never read ya', ya' know that right?" David turned to look at me over his shoulder, his neck finding the position awkward and he quickly turned back to walk ahead of him. Raising a hand I reached out to the ship and sighed as I failed to touch the belly of the beast. I extended to my tip toes, reaching as far as I could in my attempt to touch the wood. Stretching I huffed slightly as my efforts failed and the pain that began to course through my overstretched limbs made me slump down onto the heels of my feet once more.

_"__What would make me think I could reach it? I'm sure they had to use ladders to build this base,"_

Suddenly I cried out in surprise as my body shot upwards, stopping my head just short of the ships belly. Tenderly reaching a hand out I ran it over each join and giggled as I was moved across towards the outer left edge of the ship. My hand was soft against the hard wood and I admired each detail with concentration.

"It's magnificent, truly the best piece of art I have and will ever set eyes or hand upon!" I spoke quickly as the ship was left behind me, looking down at the top of David's head with my legs either side. I smiled and leant downwards, resting my chin on his head; laughing as his hair tickled my neck. His body shifted as he laughed, and I chimed in with him. Other workers laughed heartily around us in the sunshine, my smile was genuine and I had never felt such a sense of belonging.

"I'm sure all these men 'ere would like ta' thank ya' for such a fine comment!" David spoke gently this time, and I looked up to see the total of 10 workers standing round us cheering their hearts out. Blushing crazily I tried to bury my face in what little hair David. "No need ta' be shy now! It's true ma' dear! You are our best supporter, ya' always got somin' positive ta' say, and for that we are truly grateful!" I admired the words and they earned another cheer from the workers. I was lifted from David's shoulders and he turned to look at me, kneeling down and resting his right hand on my head. He moved his other hand towards me and opened his fist, in his upturned palm was a small brown wrapped object. I moved my hands out gently taking the object, fearing I would break its contents. Moving gently I untied the rope cord and gasped at the object within. A beautiful golden oval locket. My hands skimmed its surface, sensing each and ever carved letter on the front. They spelled out the word 'hope'. Gazing at the locket I gently opened it and tears gathered in my eyes, within was a tiny piece of wood from the ship.

"It's...it's so beautiful! How...when? Why?" Questions flooded over me and I felt the start of more tears, they coursed across my cheeks and I hesitantly wiped at the, holding the lockets chain. Large hands connected the chain beneath my hair and I continued to behold the dainty necklace as it landed against my shirt, raising a hand I dusted my hand over it once more and felt admiration for these men. My heart was in throat as I opened my mouth to speak once more. "Thank you...thank you so much...I don't know what to say. I just...thank you." My words were greeted with arms. Strong arms of all the workers curled me into a large group hug, I laughed with the men and my heart was overwhelmed.

_"__I haven't felt so much joy in such a long time. These people, they really are my family!"_

Without another word David hoisted me onto the ships scaffolding and they all waved at me, I turned and clambered up the ship. My hand finding each hold easily and my body scaling the huge canvas of wood quickly. Looking briefly down I saw that the men were returning to work, clasping each other on the back and laughing as they did so. Turning back to my climbing task I edged further and further up, pulling myself to the upper decks edge I gathered my strength one last time and jumped over the edge onto the beam over the other side. Balancing carefully I moved steadily to the stern and edged over the back border to sit on the out-hang just on the other side. My usual spot. My hand rose instinctively to my locket, holding it tightly yet carefully in its grip. I sighed and let my gaze settle on the ocean, wondering if I would see this fine ship set sail one day...years of hard graft from the men below finally complete and their hard work put to good use. I dozed off in the midday sun, resting my head back on the upper decks 'fence' edge. My eyes started to close in the warmth of the orb, my smile never faltering and my heart finally finding some peace that I had long since thought I would never find.

I was awoken abruptly and painfully from my sleep, arms pulled me over the out-hangs edge and I hit the lower deck hard. My head ringing from the impact of the wood I looked around dazed as someone pulled me up by my hair. My eyes wouldn't focus, the impact had impaired my vision and I couldn't identify who my assailant was. My heart pounded in my ears and I could only hear the muffled voice of a man, my senses were broken and I realised I had been caught off guard. Cursing myself I struggled to try and break from the man's grasp, but my efforts were fruitless and soon I felt the hard wooden ground rise to meet me once more. Something trickled across the right side of my face and my hands were now bound behind my back, my ankles were also close together and I felt the man give the bindings a tug to ensure they were tight enough to hold me. A hand cupped my face and forced me to raise my head to look at the man before me, but my vision was worse than before. I tried desperately to make out the features of the man but when all I was seeing was a sludge of colours I closed my eyes as sickness loomed over me. A foot stamped down onto my stomach and I screamed out in agony, a large hand quickly covering my mouth to prevent any more noise. A ball of fabric entered my mouth and I tried to spit it out, a rustic taste filling my mouth as I bit down on the fabric. My eyes swelled with tears and as they coursed down my cheeks a sting began on my lips. I tried to speak but my mouth was bound, and I couldn't open my eyes for fear of the sickness that would take me over. Someone moved at my hands and soon I cried out, the entire weight of my body hanging from my wrists. Struggling I pulled on the rope trying desperately to remove the pain of my weight...but nothing broke. I felt my resolved trickle away and soon I gave up with the struggling. One more hard punch to the face and I was gone...the blackest abyss swallowing me up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Underlined and Bold = Headings**

_Italics = Thoughts_

~~~~~~ = Long Passage of Time

**Chapter 4 – Casualties of War**

_"__My head...it hurts so much...where am I? Why is my mouth so dry?"_

I stirred from my deep comatose state and tried to lick my cracked lips, but found only frustration as material blocked my mouth. I attempted to swallow, trying to put some moisture back into my parched throat, though I found myself gagging on the material as pain seared through my throat. I tried to gaze round, attempting to find something that I could recognise but my neck was held taught by something hard and I could raise it to remove it from its lowered state. I struggled against my eyelids, trying and failing to force both of my eyes open; my right sealed tight and stinging whenever I tried to open it. Sensing an incoming headache from my efforts I stopped and settled for opening only my left eye. I squinted in the dullness of where I currently was, trying to focus on what my head was pointing at. My legs were bent off awkwardly to opposite sides and my ankles had large shackles that bound them that way. I continued to investigate as best as I could, tugging at my arms and realising that they were bound in a position above my head. I heard loud echoed footsteps and the sound of keys rattling in a lock. My senses were heightened and I could now smell the damp in the air along with the strong odour of piss and sweat. I made an educated guess on where I was...

_"__I'm in some sort of holding? A jail? Surely not, the man who attacked me was not affiliated with the red-coats...I'm sure he wasn't. Was he?"_

"Right this way Sir, the girl you speak of is in here. Although I must say it is slightly strange, and please beg my pardon for being inquisitive, that someone should come to converse with her so close to which time as she is to..." the voice was halted, stopped in mid-sentence and yet I could hear nothing of the person who had intervened. I had heard the boredom in the voice, it was possessed by a man. He must have been middle-aged and weary, a worker of some kind? Perhaps a red-coat or guard, a man who had been tasked with long nights and days in this dank space. I could now hear the encroaching footsteps, they were not far now judging by the echo of the steps on what I could only assume was a low ceiling and thick brick walls. A bright dispersed light appeared suddenly, stunning me and causing me to involuntarily flinch away from its location. "Ah your timing is right sir, she has awoken and I'd be very glad if you could rouse her further so that she can progress outside." Keys rattled against metal and an iron bar door ground against the floor, emitting a high-pitched screech from its hinges and a scrape as it progressed across the uneven ground before halting to allow a person through. I expected to hear the door close again, but the sounds did not repeat. A set of footfalls became more distant and then disappeared into the distance, however another set fell heavier towards me...the holder of the feet must have been tall and weary. I speculated from my position on the damp floor until the tip of a pair of gold-rimmed brown boots appeared at the furthermost edge of my floor-filled vision. I gazed at them for more than a moment, trying to grasp at my mind as to where I had seen them before. My one eye widened upon realisation of whom the boots could belong to.

_"__Oh no...please no! He'll kill me! I'm dead, i'm all ready dead,"_

I immediately began to struggle, backing myself into the damp wall behind me and rattling chains above me. I pulled on my arms as hard as I could, my body jerked as a resounding crack sounded from my left shoulder. Frozen I felt the first wave of pain crash over my body and I shivered with sickness. I couldn't scream, I wanted to but the material stopped me; instead I resulted in sobbing. Tears coursed across my cheeks burning my injured eye and cracked lips, but this pain paled in comparison to the pain I was feeling in my shoulder...it felt as though my arm had been ripped clean from my body. The wave of pain passed and I relaxed slightly, pulling harder on my injured shoulder. The second wave was much more intense and I bit through the fabric and into my tongue, filling my blocked mouth with a metallic taste. My cries echoed slightly despite being muffled by the material my shrill shriek was still heard and the other occupant in this small 'room' reacted swiftly. The pressure eased from my shoulder and I pulled my arm to cross my stomach, using my other, now free, arm to cradle it into myself. My sobs continued but the diminished pain in my arm allowed me to relax further and suddenly I didn't feel as irrational as before.

_"__I'm sure i'd be dead by now...he wouldn't have released my arm if he was going to kill me..."_

I was startled from my thoughts by a low voice.

"Now now, please refrain from panic else I fear that you shall only injure yourself further. I am not the one who imprisoned you here, but I find that the person who did only sought my safety. Though I can assure you I am more than capable of defending myself." The last sentence was spoken with a sense of pride but also as if to threaten me and, as such, I confirmed the man's identity. But his identity could wait. I allowed my right hand to move away from cradling my arm to reach up towards my neck, tracing the edges of a shackle hold my neck I continued to trace as far beneath and above it as I could. Searching for something important...

"I suppose you are searching for this?" An object was held low before me, moving closer to my face I saw the dim lantern light glint off of its surface...

_"__Hope"_

I reached out for the locket, but it soon disappeared from my vision; leaving my hand reaching towards nothing but emptiness. I slumped backwards, my arm once more cradling my injured and frail arm.

"Now now, we wouldn't want to see such a fine piece ruined. I shall ensure it is kept safe for you, you have my word." I wondered why I somehow believed this man, but despite his arrogance and his wealth which was made perfectly clear in his manner of dress...and that darned tricorne that adjourned his perfect head.

_"__Wait...perfect...stop thinking woman, just...no,"_

I tried to shake my head gently, but as the metal rattled I began to choke. Leaning backwards I still couldn't relieve the pressure from my neck, I began to cough and in turn tried gasping for air; pulling the gag further into my mouth and blocking my airways entirely. I panicked and pulled hard on the chains hoping they might give, my body jerked slightly and as my vision began to blacken I was laid down on the floor and he spoke once more.

"Now, don't make a noise. I am going to remove the gag, just remain calm." He spoke hurriedly and soon the material was pulled from my dry lips. I gasped in lungfuls of wonderful foul air, breathing deeply I calmed my nerves and allowed my vision to return. I gazed around, identifying the small cell carefully. I tried to form a word on my lips, trying to speak out and ask a burning question; just one word. But as hard as I tried my throat stung and my lips were too dry to form the word. I felt something rise within me and I began to cough and splutter, my body shaking as sweat formed on my brow and cleaned pathways down the sides of my dirtied face. An uneasy had pushed daintily against the small of my back and another rested carefully on my bruised stomach, raising me to sit carefully. The same hand steadied me and moved my hair from my face as I proceeded to cough up an unhealthy mixture of blood and vomit onto the stone floor beside me. It was over quickly and I felt myself shiver, realising the cold chill which had now crept its way into my bones. I curled my arms around myself as the hands of the man left me, creating more rattling around my ankles. I winced and flinched away from him, pulling my legs closer to myself.

_"__I still can't trust this man,"_

He must have sensed my unease but continued anyway, freeing my ankles from their bindings and moving away towards the side of me; giving me some room. I looked over to my swollen ankles, dried blood cracking around where the shackles had been too tight. I gingerly moved my feet round to in front of me and bent my legs, wincing at the pain which shot through my muscles in protest. Tears coursed over my face but I refused to admit defeat, I couldn't...he taught me not to and it was all I could remember of him...my father. I shook my head gently and pushed my legs beneath me, driving my body upwards and wobbling on unsteady legs. I tested the weight I could put through each, noticing that my right leg was much stronger still than my left. I stepped my right forward quickly, catching myself on the entire sole of my damaged foot. As pain shot through my right leg I rushed my other leg forward, realising too late that my right had all ready buckled beneath me and the floor was approaching fast. I widened my left eye then shut it tight, waiting for the inevitable impact of stone on skin. But it never came, instead pain rippled through my stomach and I cried out in agony.

_"__I think I might have preferred hitting the floor!"_

His arm held tight across my stomach, hesitant yet strong. I felt blood drip from my lips and I began to sob, my body cursing inside my head with each sob that racked my body. I gave up looking strong...I was so scared, broken...I was a little girl trapped here. I didn't care what this man thought of me any-more, I wasn't as strong as the wanderers thought me to be...I'm just human!

_"__I don't want this any-more, I just want to let it all go. I want my mother and father...i want any siblings that I have. I want to dress up and run round in a beautiful garden; I want to live! Damn this world!"_

I was so lost in my own world that I did not notice the man stand before me, his shoulders were broad and his cloak fell neatly from them. I stared for sometime before he turned his head over his shoulder, impatience present on what features I could make out in the dim light and overhang of his tricorne. I looked at those features for some time, losing myself in the edges and finding myself memorising the various lines that made up who this man appeared to be. For some reason this man fascinated me, there was softness in his masculine features but it was covered by his ability to maintain a front. My observations ended as our eyes locked and I caught sight of the steely gaze they held, so distant and uninterested. My heart fell slightly, I felt like I was being thrown aside.

_"__This is so stupid, this man is nothing to me! Nothing more than an assignment gone wrong...when I make it out of this mess I'm making sure I never go near him again! It's his fault...everything recently has been his fault!"_

My expression must have revealed my thoughts as no sooner had I removed myself from them had he beckoned me to follow him out of the cell. I carefully moved forwards, hesitant to place my weight down onto my fragile frame. The first couple of steps were agony and each time I nearly fell to the floor, holding myself up by sheer will-power. I focused on the proud man before me, his back to me revealed something that I had not noticed before.

_"__His shoulders...they sag as if under the weight of the world and its people. Maybe I have misjudged this man, but I cannot think like that. If I remain attempting to continue this assignment I could well end up dead and i'd rather continue to live even my miserable life."_

We came to a set of stairs and I simply stared at their impossible end, knowing I could never make it to the top. The man before me ascended with ease, not once looking back...not once concerning himself with me. So I fought onwards stumbling and falling on the stairs, hitting their sharp edges and opening new wounds. I continued to drag myself from the ground, cradling my arm and focusing on the slither of light which grew as I ascended. It must have taken me a while to climb the stairs as, when I emerged, he was nowhere in sight. My one working eye took a long while to adjust and I squinted at the sunlight above me, my head spinning as tried to focus on everything around me. I caught sight of a group of something red near a large grey and brown structure, I could smell fresh gunpowder in the air and could hear the clicking of muskets. My eye continued to adjust, widening in horror as I recognised what I had seen. A group of redcoats, a tower, wooden walkways next to grey brick walls and muskets...lots of muskets in the arms of lots of soldiers. I was inside a British fort...now I was in trouble.

_"__Please...please come back Haytham! Please...i don't care if you're evil. Just, please..."_

My new fresh tears were strong, flooding my face and dripping to the dry floor beneath. My heart dropped as a redcoat approached me and I began to back away, tripping over my own legs and sobbing as my shoulder hit the ground. I cried out in pain, agony overcoming me as I writhed on the floor. I was pulled up by my hair and dragged along by my collar further into the fort, the redcoat was joined by more of his comrades and they all laughed as they gazed over their shoulders at me. I began to feel uneasy, these men were laughing and joking, yet I felt their gaze pierce through me. They led me further and further into the fort until my legs began to give way beneath me, I stumbled and tripped as they led me to a secluded area at the further most corner of the fort. They took halt of me and threw me back against the dead-end wall, revelling in laughter as I cried out in pain; my shoulder popping once more...this time the pain did not end. Sickness rose from my stomach and sweat formed as I shivered, curling into the corner to try and escape the men.

"How about we show our 'guest' here some hospitality boys? I'm sure she's like ta' see how good we are? Right, little missy?" The 'leader' of the group spoke strongly, leering at me and approaching with boots that thudded into the barren ground. Cowering away I hid my head in my arms, listening to the chorus of laughter and trying to believe that this wasn't happening. I sobbed, two of the men grabbing halt of my shoulder and holding tightly to my arms, preventing me from moving. I struggled and tried to back away from the remaining men who approached me...their tongues moving slowly across their lips and their hands rubbing together anxiously. I tried to kick but my legs were numb, dead from all the walking...I was defenceless. Hot tears dripped to the ground, time seemed to slow until the men reached me, their hands parting only to grasp at my body. The ripped dress that I had been wearing before being 'kidnapped' hitched higher on my thighs as one of the men pushed it upwards, his hand rubbing at the inside of my shorts and tugging at them viciously. One of the other men placed his lips at my neck whilst the other caressed my chest, his hand slipping beneath the torn dress; breaking one of the straps over my right shoulder. I felt more hands from the two holding me venture across bare skin and I stiffened when I felt one man move his hand to help the other remove my shorts. I began to struggle and tried to cry out before a man butted his musket against the side of my head. Their laughter increased as my head lulled downwards, my heart sinking as my body failed to respond to my attempts at moving. Black material disappeared onto the grimy floor and I sobbed new tears when one of the men rubbed at my bare inner thighs; his hand climbing higher.

_"__Please! Someone...anyone stop them...please...please someone...i'm begging you someone stop them!"_

"I would appreciate if you did not treat my prisoners in such a foul manner, leave her be. Now." I didn't recognise the voice, my ears were ringing with the force of the blow I had taken earlier. The men dropped me to the floor and I lay their like a rag doll, unable to communicate with my body. My head leaned towards the ground, my eyes focused on the dirt.

"She's not 'your' prisoner. She's our prisoner! She was brought here by an associate of Edward Braddock and as such should not concern you!" One of the red coats replied fiercly to whomever had attempted to defend me.

"No, she is not my prisoner but she is my students prisoner. And as such I request that you release her to me and leave her be, she is not to be treated in such a manner." His voice was strong, resilient and the guards must have noted the tone in his voice for I heard feet scurry away and only one set approached me. A hand touched my face and pulled at my chin, raising my eye to meet theirs.

"We meet once more. Young one." His words calmed me and I relaxed into his hand slightly, not daring to relax too much for fear he may take advantage of this situation. However that was not his plan. He pulled a brown blanket over me and wrapped it around my back, then turned to summon someone from behind him. The two walked me carefully to a carriage and helped me to sit in the seat on the right, behind the driver. They then clambered in and we were away, I rested my head on the window to my left and gazed over at the two. Noting that I did not recognise the man beside Haytham, though when he saw my gaze rest on his he smiled gently at me and I felt relaxed. My body released it's tension and I allowed the day to catch up with me , my eye closed gently and I drifted away to the rhythm of the roads and the sound of my heart in my head.

_"__There are many kinds of people out there my dear little girl, but of all of them we strive to change are the casualties of war. They are the ones who are affected most and whom should be protected, we must prevent as many of these casualties from arising for another casualty of war means that there is yet more reason to continue to fight a senseless battle..." The voice was kind, caring nurturing as I gazed up at a faceless man, his clothing was simple. A white shirt and black trousers, but there was a symbol hanging from his neck that I tried to raise my hand to see clearly, but all I could make out was eight definitive points before the man disappeared._

_"__Casualties of war...when did that become me?"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Underlined and Bold = Headings**

_Italics = Thoughts_

~~~~~~ = Long Passage of Time

**Chapter 5 – Faceless**

_"__Father...why am I unable to see your face? Why can't I see you...please tell me, who are you?"_

I roused from my slumber, turning my head as I opened my left eye wincing when I tried to open my right. As events began to catch up with me I closed my eye tight and wished I could shut out the pain, the agony welling within me. I wanted so much to run away from it all, to keep running and not come back. As I turned my head further to the right I felt material rub against my face and I startled, sitting up abruptly and forcing my vision to focus on whatever I had made contact with. I saw a white pillow and turned as a blue duvet fell to my waist, I rose quickly; feet connecting with wooden planks. My legs screamed in pain at me and I crumpled to my knees. Gazing down I noticed that my left arm was held up in some kind of sling, my right was completely bandaged and I raised it to my face. Gazing at it in shock and awe, contemplating my situation.

_"__Where am I? I...this room, it's too nice to be some kind of cell. Where exactly am I? If I'm a prisoner why am I here...why am I being kept alive after...after what they...they...oh god!"_

Reality dawned on me and I grasped handfuls of the black trousers I was wearing, tears streaming down my face I gasped in recollection. Digging my nails into my legs I welcomed the pain it brought, a distraction from the internal agony raging on and on. My head couldn't focus, I lost myself in what had happened and I felt the world crash down on me; sobbing to myself I felt pathetic. Not for crying. No never for crying, for letting some men do that...letting them get the better of me. I only halted my tears when I heard creaking behind me, snapping my legs beneath me I pushed away; back towards the bed. Turning my eye widened when I saw Haytham with the man who had a kind smile behind him. I must have startled them just as much, considering the wide-eyed look on Haytham's face, this allowed me to relax.

_"__They didn't know I was awake, I guess they could have been the ones who brought me here. That means they were probably coming to check on me, make sure i'm still here most likely,"_

For some reason I found it hard to believe in the final statement I made in my head, something told me that was not the reason they had come to check on me. I proceeded to make my judgement from there on, deciding that even if Haytham disliked me the man behind him probably had a kind heart and as such I was in no immediate danger. This allowed me to fold my legs beneath me and sit down in the centre of the bed, kneeling carefully on my damaged legs. Seeing me sit the two exchanged a brief look and I heard them sigh gently in relief, they took a few steps forward and closed the door behind them. The door clicked closed and I felt my heart jump, I still couldn't fully relax...not around men now; though I'm sure they probably understand that much just by knowing what happened.

"How are you feeling, young one?" His voice immediately put my soul at ease, I couldn't fathom what it was about him but I couldn't help relaxing further when he was around; it made me uncomfortable with myself. I didn't respond immediately, contemplating what to say, what word or words to pick. My head was a muddle and I struggled to delve through it to find the right word to portray myself.

"Muddled," the word just came out, I didn't have time to think about it. I couldn't think about it. The truth was right there, I was muddled. A mess hidden beneath a broken body. I lowered my head further, my eyes gazing at my cloth-covered knees.

"I can imagine, it must be hard to get your thoughts together after...such events. Though I assure you, you will come to no harm here. If I had known that those **men** had such minds I would have made sure to have kept you closer, the fault is mine. My sincerest apologies...young one." His words took me by surprise and the spite in his voice when he spoke of the men who had attacked me, this man was different. He held pride and arrogance yes, and he wore his wealth but...he had a part of him that was human still. Some emotional piece of him that remained intact and that made me relax more, I brought my legs out from under me and stretched them out; sitting on the edge of the bed and bringing them to touch the floor once more. I struggled to my feet, finding it harder to gain my balance this time. My legs screamed in protest but I continued; standing and progressing towards Haytham. Stopping just short of him I raised my head to see his shoulders then higher to connect my eyes with his, I hesitated slightly then held out my right hand to him. His eyes widened slightly and then closed into a whole-hearted smile, his hand taking halt of mine and shaking it gently. I smiled back at him and as our hands released I felt an emotion well in my heart, a sense of finally gaining back control over myself. Just as the emotion grew stronger I felt a surge of pain rise through my chest, climbing to my head. I felt it rise and my body went numb with agony. My legs buckled and my head fell forward, Haytham caught me and knelt closer to the ground, turning me to sit on the floor with my head resting into his chest and my back against his bent left knee. Blood dripped from between my lips and my throat burned, I gazed forwards as my vision grew dark at the edges. The kind man appeared before me, hurriedly helping Haytham to carry me over to the bed. Sitting me on it he asked if Haytham would mind supporting my back and head so that I remained in a seated position, of which Haytham did not hesitate. Then he began to address me directly and I caught snippets of the words he was trying to speak to me, reading his lips as best I could to fill in some gaps.

"Lucien...I need you...please...calm down...relax again...focus...voice...

don't let go!" His voice faded further away and I felt as if I was in a dark tunnel, him at one end and I at the other. My heart was all I could hear, it's steady beating reassuring me that I was still very much alive; but it was slowing. I had my eyes open still and didn't realise that I couldn't see, just focused so much on the sensation of being weightless and falling that I couldn't feel anything else. Until I heard him speak.

"Lucien! Don't you dare go letting go yet, I have many questions for you young one! LUCIEN!" The words hit hard on me and I began to cough, blood dripping to the white shirt; now stained crimson. I breathed in deep breaths and a hand reached to support me at my stomach and back, I gasped a few more times drawing in as much air as I could before I finally relaxed. My body went limp, exhausted and trying to recuperate. I was laid backwards and my mouth cleaned, by whom I did not know for exhaustion caught up with me and I was asleep once more...unaware of all that went on around me.

_The man was far away, his back was broad but his shoulder sagged under pressure. This man reminded me of someone, and soon the man I thought I had seen changed and melded away into someone else...his face was blank...but it didn't scare me and I moved closer to the figure. I reached a small hand out towards the face, his arms reaching out to me. I tried to reach his face, his arms...i tried to reach him but no matter how hard I tried he remained out of my grasp. Tears swelled in my eyes and I began to run after the man, small legs and arms trying hard and fighting to reach for the mysterious man._

_"__FATHER!" The word left my lips and was screamed through tears of anguish, the ground gave way and the world began to crumble, until I was falling through blackness. An ember light glowed at the end and as I turned to look at it I winced, pain searing through my body and the light licking at my arms. My feet were bare and they burned as they touched onto hot bricks, the world was alight. Everywhere I turned the air was black and the flames flickered higher. Licking at my skin, my hair, my clothes. I felt the tears on my face evaporate and the heat prevented me from forming any new ones. Fighting through the flames I stumbled over something, tripping and falling to the ground...turning I saw the man...saw the shoulders that used to sag under the invisible weight. His hair was charred, burning and the flames licked at his skin...his broken and blistering skin. His face was red with burns and all I could do was stare, trying to remember how he looked before the flames took his face...but I could not...only that face...the face of destruction remained. I couldn't remember him...i couldn't remember that man...the man with symbol around his neck...the man who I had to watch burn and the putrid smell that filled the air as I watched his skin bubble and melt, running onto the burning earth. I tried to scream but smoke filled my lungs and I coughed uncontrollably, the world was full of black and the sound of melting skin filled my mind..._

I awoke abruptly, drenched in sweat and tears. I shakily raised my right hand and stared at it, remembering the bubbling skin of him...my father. My father, he is dead. The realisation pulled at me and I felt as though I was simply observing myself, the world moved without me for a while. I just sat and stared at the blankets, unable to comprehend the answer to my questions; unable to process anything any-more. Pulling my legs to my chest I curled against the beds headboard, my right arm hugging my legs and my left caught between my body and legs. I rested my head on my knees and closed my eyes, shutting them tightly in hopes I might just wake up again.

_"__I'm just having another nightmare...that's all, it doesn't mean anything. It's not real, he's not dead...he can't be...he's all I've searched for all these years. I'm not alone, not yet."_

My mind gave in to the lost child within me and tears flowed once more, this time though they didn't stop. Soon I was crying uncontrollably into my knees, my heart pouring out onto the black fabric; giving in to the child within me. My tears continued falling even when my cries turned to muffled sobs and even when the sobs turned into hiccups the tears did not cease. I had not thought I could have so many tears left, but I just wanted to cry now. To let it all out, I was tired of pretending to be something I was not...tired of being Lucien. I wondered who I really was but then that only brought me to think back to my father and the tears continued, I allowed them though. Because...

_"__This is the real me...the one who cries and who is dying inside little by little. The one who feels so alone despite declaring hope to others, the one who can give hope but not give it to the most important person of all...herself."_

I must have cried for some time, for when I raised my head the first glimmers of daylight were shining in through the curtained windows of the small room. I simply stared at the light shining through the curtains, blank and emotionless. Pulling my legs from their position I rose to my feet on the bed, wobbling my way to the window at my left; reaching gingerly for the curtains. My hand reached them, pulling them aside quickly. Instinctively I flinched backwards at the harsh light and fell from the bed, onto something soft but firm. I heard a groan of pain and immediately moved to stand, turning to view what I had landed on. Stifling a small gasp as I saw Haytham laying on the floor, somewhat dressed for bed I gathered by his bare torso and brown loose trousers. His hair was still tied up but I looked away embarrassed and without thinking I stuck my right hand out to where I presumed he still lay on the floor, only to have my hand caught in his.

"What were you doing? Opening the curtains this early in the morning?" His voice was drowsy and I stifled a giggle, I felt my heart flutter slightly and the girl within me surface her bubbly side.

_"__Bubbly, oh god...I feel sick,"_

He freed my hand and I raised it to my mouth slightly, gagging as I felt the sickness rise. Hoping I wouldn't actually be sick.

"If you needed to find your way around just ask, the bathroom is just over there, and i'd rather that be the only door you use during your stay here." His hand pointed to a door near the bottom of my bed, moving quickly I heard him finish his sentence from a distance as vomit filled the toilet. Once I knew I was finished I wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. Standing on shakey legs I moved to the sink and swilled my mouth out, using my one good hand to cup water onto my dry lips. Swallowing down handfuls of water I failed to hear the incoming footsteps as I turned off the tap and bent double leaning on the sinks edge. It was only when I looked up into the mirror I saw Haytham in the doorway at the corner of my eye, his eyes laced with something akin to concern. Much to say he had a shirt on now and I was kind of grateful for that, I hoped I hadn't offended him in any way. I straightened myself up and walked past him, back to my bed and sat down on it's edge; sighing gently.

"I'm not that ugly am I, young one?" His words sounded full of hurt but I knew it was probably him messing with me, that was the sort of man I had realised he was after watching him from a distance for my assignment.

"No, Old man." The response shocked even me, it came out emotionless and bland. I felt bad for the way it had sounded but I didn't need to think about it for long.

"I am not old, though I am older than you young one. Pay some respect to those older than yourself, now why were you up half the night weeping?" His words hit deep and I panicked.

_"__Wait how did he know that?! He couldn't have, unless we're sleeping in the same room? Darn it, we're probably in rented rooms at that tavern he used to always be in. The Green Dragon? And as such the rooms are doubles...i didn't think of that, though I suppose I couldn't exactly think of anything after I figure out my father is..."_

"Dead, he's dead." The words slipped out and I stared down at my hand as it gripped at my right knee. I felt the pieces of my heart shatter further and my hand shook, I fought against the tears and bit down hard on my all ready chapped lips...drawing new blood.

"Calm." He spoke it softly, but commanded it too. His feet moved him to before me and I swallowed the tears, biting hard at my bleeding bottom lip as I tried to fight the urge to continue crying. "Calm yourself and talk to me, rationally like the human being you are. I may not be the person you need to talk to, but I will listen now that you have woken me." His words were kind and he sat to my left side, his weight shifting the bed. I felt myself open up and for a moment I didn't care who this man was, he was the reason I was here and if I could tell him at-least I would be sharing it with someone...maybe it would make me feel less alone.

"I...fourteen years ago something happened. I can't remember the exact details but it must have been some kind of fire, the skies were filled with black and there was amber glowing. I must have hit my head, for I can not remember most of my childhood and what I do recall are small fragments...nightmares. I tried to believe that maybe I still had someone waiting for me somewhere out there, so I went ahead and became Lucien. I couldn't remember my true name and simply having a name felt like a luxury," I laughed gently, remembering when I had been given my name. The grin I had on my face as Helthar wrote my new name for the first time, that was my first moment of peace in a life I could not remember having ever felt such a thing. I paused for a while longer then breathed gently and continued. "Recently i've been having more of these...nightmares. I had hoped that was all they were. For I could not recall the man with the symbol around his neck, the hearty laugh that filled me with joy. The words of wisdom and the arms which would engulf me. The face that I could not remember, I could imagine it beaming with pride when I had achieved. But now all that's left in these eyes of mine is the melting skin of that said man...of my father. Now I know he is dead and I can not remember his face, only the face of the man who lay burning in the flames and the skin that bubbled and melted. He's dead and all this time I didn't remember, I didn't know. I lost him to the fire and not once did I know that I had not that one piece of me left, I was living on false hope." My words were choked by the threat of new tears so I went silent, leaving only my stifled sobs to fill the void around me. I remembered the feeling of being afraid, so afraid and tiny. That's how I felt right now, so insignificant now. Before I could comprehend what was happening Haytham had stood and pulled me into his arms, enveloping me in them and resting his chin on top of my head.

"Don't think about it. It's hard to accept, i've done what you're doing and it doesn't work. Just don't think, young one." His words rumbled through my head and I head his heart beating in my ear, I calmed and sobbed into his body. Accepting his warmth, accepting a man who seemed as broken as I was.

"I love that faceless man...that man...that faceless man." My words were broken but I continued mumbling them as Haytham laid me under the quilts on my bed, covering me over and walking away he stopped.

"That **faceless man** is your father, don't you ever call him anything else. Learn respect for your elders...young one." His words drifted to me, to anyone else they would have been harsh but I felt comforted by the man's voice. No matter what he said I doubted he would be able to hurt me, he may never love me for I can see he gave up on love a long time ago but I can admire him for the fact he is what I could never be...strong.


End file.
